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Picture a big wave slowly coming in onto the beach. It starts as a bulge out in the ocean coming closer and closer and then all of a sudden it is a big wave surging towards the beach. As it finally crests and crashes into the sand it makes a thundering sound and begins to receding back into the ocean only to produce another wave right behind its self. This is called Ebb and Flow and is a natural cycle.
Consider your D/s, Dominance and submission, as a relationship between a Dominant and a submissive rather than that of a husband and a wife. As with any relationship, being vanilla or otherwise, there will be a natural cycle of ebbs and flows, highs and lows. The flow is in effect when the dominant is feeding the submissive and in turn the submissive is feeding the dominant, thus completing the circle of D/s. A balance of ebb and flow can be hard at times in a D/s relationship. Both members want to keep the intensity high and the D/s strong but the reality of the outside world is constantly changing.
Unfortunately, the wave is only so big and it must come crashing down at some point, this is called the ebb. An ebb in a D/s relationship is a loss of connection between the dominant and submissive resulting in expectations not being upheld by one or both parties.
Three steps forward, two steps back so to speak.
In a D/s relationship it is these ebbs and flows that we need to work on and figure out what in the relationship is causing the ebb and how to repair the relationship so it flows. We can begin by answering our own question, “Why do we ebb?” MLT and I have found it helpful by identifying warning signs in our dynamic and then having downtime when these signs become present in our daily dynamic. It is only by having proper communication and gaining information and expressing ourselves openly and honestly that we are able to truly fix what is causing the ebb.
As I grow as MLTs’s dominant I am able to see the signs of an ebb and make changes not allowing the wave to leave such a path of destruction as the previous ebb.
My Submissive’s Perspective:
In my opinion, the physical rush of the D/s flow is an absolute highlight for living this kind of lifestyle. In the past, other submissives have asked me what my submission feels like and I can only relate the feeling back to what my Sir said about the rushing of water. In my greatest moments of letting go and truly allowing my submission to take over my body and my brain, I feel the sensation of warm, running water through my soul. It is a true sense of peace, a sense of abandonment of worries, a sense that I have the strength to release all of the power to my Sir to control. This level of submission requires unwavering trust.
When my Sir and I ebb, it is devastating for me. In the worst cases, it is debilitating and that truly scares me to the core. When we ebb, my first reaction used to be to try and take back my control which only feeds the ebb. Sometimes, I just cry. My instincts go right to Death Com 5 to try and nip the situation in the bud. I believe that ebbing is inevitable but I agree with my Sir that if you can identify the warning signs and put counter measures in place than the destruction can be minimal.
Number of views (4007) Comments (4)
4/16/2018 2:59 PM
What a great post and perfect description.
Warning signs are hard to spot, especially when outside foces cause me to lose focus. I realize my lost focus almost too late to avoid the ebb.
Thank you for sharing.
4/16/2018 5:14 PM
Thank you for this post. i loved reading both perspectives. Righting the ship on the waves of an ebb is challenging, but it we can manage to do it smoothly, we can all be sailing again.
Angel (Dom Mod)
4/23/2018 8:09 PM
I like this whole concept. I agree that being submissive and having a period of ebb creates a most profound emotional effect. I find it quite difficult not to try to rescind my submission and take control back.
11/14/2018 10:54 AM
Initially, in D/s it seemed we would ebb, flow, and trainwreck constantly. Nearly 6 months in, I am finding it is much easier. I questioned myself as to whether we even had to ebb, could we avoid that unpleasantness altogther. I am sure it would be ridiculous to think you could pull off a relationship and never have some sort of ebb. We are getting better at nipping things in the bud. Communication lines are more open. Another thought I have, if we do everything we can to not ebb, does that mean someone in the relationship is compromising too much? I do know I have gone from feeling I have lost all control to loving what D/s has done for us as a couple and am in a good place with it now. If I even think we are headed for an ebb now, I sub-up and work hard to avoid it. Is that a good thing?
A great read. I see myself . Trying to hard to please. And now understand I'm taking from his power. So happy I found this site. Will help me be a better sub
I'm stunned by how much of this reflects our situation, I wish I could talk to you more in depth about it, but thank you for the insights! :)
This post is amazing. I feel the biggest struggle my Dom and I have in regards to the lifestyle, is exactly described in this article. It’s to easy for the Vanilla to overtake my Dom, and I return, I become guarded with my submission and then the...
This was very enllightening...thanks
Sorry for the double comments
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