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Our website is dedicated to those in the Ds and BDSM communities who have transitioned to the life style from a long term committed vanilla relationship, not that the information here isn’t applicable to others in the Ds-BDSM community.However, after being with the same partner for 20 years, old habits die hard.In our discussions with others coming to Ds after years together, there are issues that commonly come to the surface and we hope to provide some guidance to make them less troublesome.
There are a number of reasons that couples in long term committed relationships turn to Ds.For us, after 23 years of marriage and no more children in the house we were confronted with our lives growing apart.We have friends who turned to Ds after they started discussing divorce regularly to try to find common ground and stop their fighting.Another couple we know added Ds to their marriage to add more spice and excitement back into their lives.What do you talk about when everything has been said over 15 years?Our focus here is on the transition of adding Ds to an established relationship.
With Ds-LTC we are also trying to incorporate the combined perspectives of both the Dominant and the submissive on the same topic.Much of the information available is from the singular perspective of the Dominant or the submissive.However, a significant part of the Dominant’s time is spent trying to understand the submissive.And conversely, submissive is consistently focused on trying to understand what their Dominant desires. In our blog format, we strive to provide both perspectives on the topic so that as you encounter similar issues in your Ds, you have some ‘counter-point’ to consider.
I could go on for a significant period about Ds and our lifestyle, but then I wouldn’t have information for future blogs.I hope you find a home for information, camaraderie and support in your own personal Ds adventure here at Ds-LTC.We appreciate your checking us out and hope to hear your perspectives in the chat and forum areas of our website.
I am so excited to be starting this website. From having others to care for to caring for each other, life is that constant balance of give and take. Sometimes we lean so far into worrying how we are going to get what we need and taking all the time that we lose focus on how we can fulfill our partner’s needs. Ds has returned us to a more tuned in approach to our daily lives with the focus being on each other. I focus on my sir and he focuses on me. We do not focus as much on what we are going to get or how to get what we want in a manipulative way. We communicate our needs directly and are confident that the other will listen and act with our best interest in mind. We are less selfish.
I admit we fall back into some of our vanilla ways from time to time, but we are much quicker to realize what we are doing and what is happening. Usually one of us regains perspective and helps direct us back on the path to respect our Ds commitment. Ds is not for everyone. It is not easy, but long term relationships are not easy either. Ds is not an escape from prior issues, in fact, it forces those issues to the top and you must deal with them. In order to completely trust and openly communicate with your partner, it all has to come to the table sooner or later. You may think you have shared it all and dealt with all your insecurities, but new things will surface and you will move through them, learning all the time.
Number of views (20550) Comments (10)
4/1/2018 7:58 PM
Thank you for creating this space for us to be us! <3
4/4/2018 8:00 AM
Amber, we are happy you are here. Add a post of introduction in the forums and tell the community about yourself. Also, chat it up with people in the chat box if they are online. The administrators are Sir, MLT (Sir's sub), Renn (my sub) and myself, Hunter. If you have any questions or concerns, dont' hesitate to submit a ticket on the support page.
Submissive Little Brat
7/18/2018 9:39 AM
Just found this site, so glad I did. I couldn’t find much about BDSM and marriage. I will continue to look through the site and see what I can learn. Thank you.
7/18/2018 4:34 PM
Hi. I'm so excited to have found this site. Been with my partner for 12 years. He's interested in being a dominant and I am eager to be submissive. Hoping to connect with some people who understand this without judgement.
7/20/2018 5:05 PM
I'm pleased that I stumbled across this website. I've been married for 14 years and we just started D/s. I have no one to talk to about our new lifestyle, so I am excited about this website.
8/24/2018 3:13 AM
Thank you for creating this space.
8/27/2018 1:42 PM
Thank You for creating this site. i am submissive and have been for many years. my Mistress is new to this lifestyle, but She enjoys it very much. i hope this site will give her more insight into what, as Her sub, i need from Her.
Many thanks from a grateful sub
8/30/2018 10:05 AM
Married 20 years and just started Our D/s experience, it has been amazing. It has brought our relationship to a whole new level. This site is exactly what I was looking for. Thank you.
11/18/2018 5:33 PM
Where can I learn what exactly I should be doing for my wife who wants me to be dominant, so much of what I hear goes against my ingrained understanding of sex and marital relationship?
12/1/2018 8:49 AM
We are long time married and we began our D/s several years ago. There have been ups and downs along the way mainly because life simply has a way of being very distracting and taking up our time. This past summer we recommitted our lives to doing it 24/7 and 150%. Being a complete submissive and giving up total control to my Dominant has been quite an undertaking! I didn't realize how much control I was keeping and using when needed. Now I'm working on trust issues and have been able to give up much more control to my Dominant Husband but really could use some support. Thank you for the opportunity to read and chat with others just like me.
A great read. I see myself . Trying to hard to please. And now understand I'm taking from his power. So happy I found this site. Will help me be a better sub
I'm stunned by how much of this reflects our situation, I wish I could talk to you more in depth about it, but thank you for the insights! :)
This post is amazing. I feel the biggest struggle my Dom and I have in regards to the lifestyle, is exactly described in this article. It’s to easy for the Vanilla to overtake my Dom, and I return, I become guarded with my submission and then the...
This was very enllightening...thanks
Sorry for the double comments
As a new Dom these issues have been so hard to control for both of us we have had to take a break from the lifestyle. We both need this in our marriage to be fulfilled completely. She tends to get overly upset and lash out when she’s frustrated....
As a new Dom I obviously have a lot to learn to care for my wife/sub. Unfortunately we have had to put aside the D/s relationship for a while due to me not being able to control my emotional response. Also controlling her emotional responses when...